sex as php

orkutPHP forum で見つけて爆笑したコードを転載(リンクを張ることができないので)。

<?php
function sex ($stamina, $attraction, $speed, $bac, $pname, $plength) {
if($stamina < 1 || $bac > 1) {
dress("It won't get up!");
exit;
}
$db = mysql_connect("Jennifer","Hal","I love you");
mysql_select_db($db,"pants");
for($x=1; $x<=($stamina-($attraction/2)); $x++) {
thrust($speed,$db,$pname,$plength);
}
ejac();
dress("So, was it good for you?");
}
funtion thrust ($speed,$db,$pname,$length) {
for($x=1; $x<=$speed; $x++) {
$premature = rand(1,50);
if($premature == 50) {
ejac();
dress("I know it happens to everybody, but it wasn't   supposed to happen with you!");
exit;
}
$deep = rand(0,$length);
$sql = "INSERT INTO vagina (`penis_name`,`depth`,`speed`) VALUES ('$pname','$deep','$speed')";
mysql_query($sql) or die("Crap! I slipped! Woah.. damn your ass is tight!");
$grunt = rand(1,5);
select ($grunt) {
case '1':
$gruntsound = "Uh!";
break;
case '2':
$gruntsound = "Oh!";
break;
case '3':
$gruntsound = "Ah!";
break;
case '4':
$gruntsound = "Nnngh!";
break;
case '5':
$gruntsound = "Ohhhh!";
break;
}
echo $gruntsound;
}
}
?>

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